The key to ultimate happiness and fulfillment lies within our own transformation
Before my life completely crashed, I was a brilliant woman who had been successful in different corporate jobs, and I was the CEO of my own business. I had created it with one of my best friends who I considered like my older sister. That’s what you would have seen on the outside.
Without being aware, inside I carried the aftereffects of
💔🤕 The trauma of sexual abuse
💔💍 An abusive marriage
😰😨 Anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder
🙅♀️🩸 Self-destructive behavior
💼⏳ The belief that if I worked hard enough, I would get there
🤔🔌 Disconnection from my own intuition
That day, when my life completely crashed, my business partner was abroad to finalize our first big project that would end the struggles we had been facing during our first year in business. I was nervous and as working was my answer to everything, I was in the office.
I don’t remember exactly what I was searching for, but I went into her office and opened a drawer. It was empty. Puzzled, I opened another drawer – it was empty, too. I lifted the desk pad – she used to have photos of her children there and found… nothing.
I still can see myself standing there in shock while the truth trickled into my understanding: she was gone and had left me behind. With her, our money was gone, too. That was in 1994. As the CEO I was personally responsible and this left me ruined with an amount of debt I could probably never get rid of again.
My life as I knew it, was over.
However, I had no time to surrender to despair because I had to provide for my child, my then-partner, 3 dogs and a cat. Hence, I fully went into survival mode, taking on job after job, all while suppressing the internal turmoil that had erupted in my life. I still believed that if I only worked hard enough, I would finally get out of the situation.
Fate leads the willing, the unwilling it drags
Of course, I was not unwilling but I definitely didn’t understand my path or purpose. And how would I – because I didn’t pause to understand or figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was on autopilot, doing what I had learned you should do in this situation (=working harder until you make it) so the Universe had to intervene again for course correction.
It was nearly 2 years later, 5 days before Christmas. I was working as an accountant in a company, sharing my office with one colleague. I liked the work I just had saved the company one million of taxes (yet didn’t even get a gratification). From where I was sitting I couldn’t see who was standing in the door when it opened so I just heard a voice saying: »Lift your hands from that keyboard – NOW!« Then several police officers entered the room, confiscated all computers, arrested the CEO and that was the end of my job.
The dark night of the soul
This time the shock was deep enough. I couldn’t do anything over the holidays, so life gave me about two weeks before I could take any action. It was the first time in my life that I was forced to stop and take the time to reconsider everything.
January came and I knew I wasn’t just going back to get another job. But due to my situation from the financial crash I couldn’t just start another business either. I felt useless, powerless, went into a full depression. It got so bad that more than once I considered ending my life.
Fortunately, something within me prevented that tragic decision. Some may call it sheer survival instinct, but I now recognize it as my future self reaching out, assuring me that everything would ultimately be alright. By the way, this pivotal understanding only became clear to me years later during a session of the transformative work I now share with my clients.
Some weeks later, I was still in deep depression, a friend recommended a homeopath to me. I sat in front of him for about 2 hours, crying, talking about my devastated life, my depression and my suicidal thoughts. At the end of the session, he gave me a homeopathic remedy. I took it, went home, slept for 12 hours and when I woke up the fog had lifted.
No more suicidal thoughts. Instead, I was deeply impressed by the healing effect and I wanted to learn how this worked and help other people like me. What I had only been considering in my mind before, had now shifted to my heart.
The bumpy road to the new me
I would love to say that I understood and then just went and did it. But that’s not true.
I was terribly afraid to change my life’s path. My then-partner considered that I was too old for this (I was 35 at the time), and basically no one believed in me or supported me. I pondered my possibilities for months before I eventually decided to take the leap and start my medical and homeopathic studies.
Over the next years, my life changed. I finished my studies and opened my practice. I met the love of my life and married him. My own healing progressed as I tested my way through a lot of healing methods: Besides the homeopathic treatment, I went to Family Constellations, took therapy sessions for years, tried hypnosis, Plant Medicine, changed my diet and more. Each of these methods helped me… partially. And I integrated most of them into my work.
Everything looked really good on the outside. However, deep inside there were still things out of whack, but I couldn’t really name them. I simply knew, I “wasn’t there yet”.
I completely changed my subconscious!
One day I was talking to a friend about how I appreciated my progress but still was feeling stuck, not getting all of the results I wanted. She did a fast and easy test with me, and the outcome was:
I subconsciously held the belief that I didn’t deserve to live a fulfilled life.
I was in shock! Why would a part of me deem me unworthy of living a fulfilled life? Yet I also immediately felt that this blockage was the thing I had never been able to touch and overcome before. It was one of my blind spots (I discovered more of them later.)
And I also immediately saw the chance. If I was able to heal this subconscious belief (s) I would finally break the chains that were holding me back. The main technique for this was Tapping (EFT). After some time of trying to do this on my own, I understood that you cannot find your own blind spots and worked with several coaches.
Exploring the beliefs that were hindering my fulfilled life, I found guilt and shame feelings about having been betrayed by my business partner. I was angry and despising myself because I hadn’t seen it coming. Subconsciously I was still punishing myself for this.
Some forgotten traumas surfaced into my memory, things I had not only pushed aside but hidden so deeply inside my subconscious that to me they hadn’t even happened.
The path still went deeper. I found a tendency to blame myself for all the bad things that had happened to me. I considered all the trauma that was still stored in my system as “my fault”.
For all these reasons I couldn’t love myself. I couldn’t forgive myself.
The path led deeper and deeper into the subconscious. There were more insights, even from times I didn’t have a conscious memory of.
While this sounds like hard work, it actually wasn’t. Yes, I needed patience, tenacity, and the willingness to work through my story, but instead of lingering endlessly on the traumas and the why, we simply cleared them.
And when you come to the deepest point and heal at the heart level, this gives you so much energy to renew yourself.
❤️🩹 I learned to forgive and love myself. I learned to align myself with my soul’s purpose.
❤️🩹 I learned what to do with my inner negative self-talk, my self-sabotage mechanisms.
❤️🩹 and I learned how to regulate my nervous system.
25 years later
Today (Oct. 2023), I am celebrating 25 years after having my first client.
I live a happy and fulfilled life.
❤️🩹 My old traumas are healed.
❤️🩹 I take good care of myself.
❤️🩹 I am well connected to my intuition.
Of course, there are challenges but they don’t block my life energy anymore. I continue to learn and grow every day which is what life is about. But now this journey is one of curiosity and openness, not of suffering.
My work has changed with me. I’ve had the privilege of helping hundreds of individuals in their journey toward self-discovery and healing, a mission that fills me with profound gratitude.
I have helped people with their health, their relationships, their business life and finances. I’ve created programs and courses.
Yet, more than everything, I am profoundly happy, loving and accepting myself as I am, living where I want to be and loving every day that I wake up again to this beautiful life.
What about you?
Are you, too, feeling this yearning to get off the old paths that didn’t lead to the life you want, and do you desire to progress on your own healing path towards confidence and self-love as pillars of your success?
I would be happy to assist you when you embark on your transformational journey towards a brighter, empowered future. 🤗🌟